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Wednesday
Jun212006

Man to Nature: Take a hike, buddy

Reuters reports this morning that "Americans are less interested in spending time in natural surroundings like national parks because they are spending more time watching television, playing video games and surfing the Internet." To which a thinking person can only reply: Excellent! It's about time we abandoned our hypocritical embrace of so-called "Nature." What's "natural" about a meadow that's been sitting there unchanged since the late Pleistocene, taking up space like an out-of-style loveseat, while we humans have been furiously evolving? Isn't the point of the thing to get bigger and better, to develop our minds and the tools and gizmos which are the extensions of our minds, from automobiles to heavy construction equipment to television, video games and the Internet? Where's Nature been while we've been busting our humps to develop the infrastructure necessary for the large-scale high-speed free downloading of our fellow humans' copyrighted intellectual property? I'll tell you where: It's been taking a nap. It's been slumbering away in national parks and wildlife refuges and other wasted, fallow spaces like the oafish brother-in-law who came to stay a year and a half ago because he "just needed a place to crash for a couple days." Only it's much, much bigger and it has predatory birds. That's right: Killer birds. Big ones, with teeth the size of Bowie knives. Think about that the next time the Sierra Club calls for a mooching handout. Then turn back to the TV, confident that you're fulfilling Darwin's great prophecy of adaptation and improvement. And let that lazy-ass, shiftless ANWR fend for itself.

Reader Comments (4)

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