Can't He Just Buy a TiVo Like Everybody Else?

Join us now, won't you, as the Mr. Irresponsible Players attempt to answer the question: Is a movie star really the guy you want behind the wheel of an unlicensed sonogram machine?

Okay, honey, just one more.

BZZZZZZZZZZT.

Mmmno, I don't like the angle on that one. Hang on.

BZZZZZZZZZZT.

There we go... Lemme see. Mmmmno, his chin's down, it makes his neck look stumpy. One more.

BZZZZZZZZZZT.

Nope, I can do it better. One more time.

BZZZZZZZZZZT.

Well, that one's just ugly.

BZZZZZZZZZZT.

Sorry, got a boom shadow there. Let's go again. Right away, please.

BZZZZZZZZZZT.

Okay, three quick ones.

BZZZZZZZZZZT. BZZZZZZZZZZT. BZZZZZZZZZZT.

Well, if you're not gonna get into it a little...

I'm sorry, honey, it's just that my eyes are starting to bleed and I'm pretty sure all my internal organs are, like, liquefying.

Okay, fine, we'll come back after lunch. (Screams at a puzzled Labrador trying to snooze in the corner) THAT'S LUNCH, PEOPLE!

Tonight's playlet brought to you by the Tom Cruise CrazyWatch.