It's The Thursday Morning Grab Bag!

Mr. Irresponsible has just returned from a fact-finding tour of central Texas, where the principal fact to be found is that damn, margaritas are tasty. And what do I discover on my return, besides a desk chair which has been subtly but unmistakably canted out of position?* A whole raft of bad behavior from which to draw inspiring life lessons! Let's mangia!

-- The US Congress has banded together in an unprecedentedly bipartisan show of moral dudgeon over the Dubai ports deal. It's nice to see that our legislators still remember how to stand shoulder to shoulder in front of the cameras when there are sound bites of outrage to be expressed. Just one teensy problem: They're all wet. Life lesson: When the universe offers you a chance to get your name in the papers, don't let niggling things like facts get in the way.

-- One of the multicellular life forms in charge of distributing free goods to rich, famous celebrities tells the AP that $50,000 goody bags are actually a sort of compensatory mechanism for the inconveniences A-listers have to suffer. "They can't just go to the mall like a regular person," says the extravagantly-named Lash Fary. "Or," he adds, showing the gift for nuance that is so typical of bottom-feeders in the Hollywood ecosystem, "they can, but it won't be very much fun."  Life lesson: Celebrities are just like you and me, only less fortunate and pampered. Their lives should inspire not envy, but empathy.

-- Film nerds apparently have even more free time than previously suspected. A cabal describing itself as "an international group of lifelong James Bond fans" (or AIGLJBF, pronounced "Aig-la-jibbif," which is almost as memorable as SMERSH) is calling for a boycott of the upcoming "Casino Royale," a Bond film which, if memory serves, has been made about eleven times before. Their main beef appears to be the selection of actor Daniel Craig as the sixth screen 007, after Sean Connery, George Lazenby,  Roger Moore, Skitch Henderson and some guy named Al. (My notes may be a little sketchy on those last two.) How ridiculous a contretemps is this? Just this ridiculous: Among Craig's defenders is actor Toby Stephens, who (again from my notes) played super-criminal Jean-Jacques "Fromage" DuPlessy, The Man With The Golden Gums, in "I Loved You Tuesday." That's right, it's come to this: Bond villains are now defending Bonds against the depredations of Bond fans. Life lesson: Take your friends where you can get them, and then for Pete's sake get some sleep. That tequila hangover is killing me... um, you.

*Note to Debbie: Check the security tapes. If the intern's been using my desk, you know what to do.