Reuters to Maktoum: You're Dead, You Dope

Say, here's one of those slight shifts in the Zeitgeist you can miss if you're not paying attention: Dying is no longer the worst thing that can happen to you. The new worst thing that can happen to you is dying and having it covered by Reuters.

Consider the wire service's sendoff to Sheikh Maktoum bin Rashid al-Maktoum of Dubai, who died earlier today:

Brains Behind Dubai Becomes Ruler After Brother Dies

At which a reasonably sympathetic reader can only shudder: Yow, tough room. Keep in mind that Maktoum, the piece's putative subject and until Wednesday the maximum ruler of, like, a whole country, is the one simply tagged as "Brother." This is more or less the posthumous equivalent of being billed as "Man #2" on "CSI." The editors, meanwhile, just go all twittery over the dreamy smile of Maktoum's younger successor, Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid al-Maktoum, whom they breathlessly ID as not only the smartest kid in the room but a "world renowned racehorse breeder" besides. What, did they run out of room before they could get to "Mideast Ballroom Dancing Champion" and "Six-Time Winner of the Dubai Hilton Omar Sharif Lookalike Contest"? The new boss is described in the lede as "the man who transformed Dubai from a dusty Gulf city into a glitzy metropolis"; the unfortunate late Maktoum is filed away as "his elder brother." You can practically hear the Reuters staff brushing their palms clean in a dismissive "All done" gesture, then resting their swoony heads in their hands as they gaze adoringly on the new guy's head shot. ("To all the fellas and gals at Reuters... Thanx for the leg up! SWAK, Rashi".)

Mr. Irresponsible knows nothing about Dubai except that it's been called "the Foxwoods Casino of the UAE," and it seems to have a semi-official policy of sheltering disgraced pop stars. It may even be true that the late Maktoum was a placeholder in a well-cut burnous, while his younger brother really is all that and a bag of pita chips. But I hope when I go, I get better from Reuters than "Advice Columnist Dies; Replaced By Smarter, Funnier, Better-Looking Computer."